A FRIEND has consoled his mate after he thought Tinder's premium features would offer better matches.
Philip Jackson, 34, joined the dating service app three months ago in the hope of finding love during the pandemic. After swiping right for hours each day he was met with a tiny number of 'mediocre matches'.
As a last resort, coffeeshop owner Mr Jackson decided to upgrade to Tinder's premium features, which he thought would 'open the flood gates'. Now Mr Jackson's friend, Thomas Williams, has had to support him after the reality of spending money on Tinder.
Mr Jackson, of York, said: 'I was getting nowhere. I thought someone at Tinder was having a laugh and fucking with my account. I matched with more blokes than women even though my settings said "interested in females". How does that even work?'
Mr Jackson paid for Tinder's Gold level subscription in the hope of increasing his chances of finding a date. Gold is the second out of three tiers - the first being Tinder Plus, Tinder Gold then Tinder Platinum.
Mr Jackson added: 'Yeah I was allowed unlimited likes and unlimited rewinds and I got to see who liked me...guess how many did...fucking none. Tinder made it seem like paying would open the flood gates but all I got was three very mediocre matches.'
After further weeks of unsuccessful swiping Mr Jackson's friend took him out for a beer to console him over his experience.
Mr Williams said: 'It's been a bit of a reality shock. He was crying a lot at how stupid he'd been. How gullible. What Tinder's premium features said they could offer compared to what's actually been delivered has been hilarious, for me, not really for Phil. We had a few outdoor pints and I had a good laugh.'
Tinder could not be reached for comment.
A MAN has lost the first round of debates with his girlfriend on whether or not watching PornHub is cheating.
John Thomas, 28, and his partner Gemma Richards, 26, debated the question for two hours last night.
Mr Thomas conceded defeat after hesitating a little too long when asked: 'Do you think of your favourite pornstar when we're in bed?'
The engineer from Blackburn, Lancashire, admitted to dropping the ball toward the end of the argument because 'he was thinking about ordering a Nando's Grilled Chicken Wrap'.
Speaking to The Daily Bellow, Mr Thomas said: 'It wasn't the result I wanted. I made some good points, like "I enjoyed PornHub before I met you Gemma, you have to accept me for who I am". But she started mentioning words like "insecure" and "unrealistic" and I was lost.'
Mrs Richards said: 'I'd eaten beforehand. Preparation is key when you want to totally dismantle your loved one. I was on the back foot when I admitted to once watching PornHub with an ex, though managed to recover toward the end. There's all to play for in the next heat but I think he'll struggle with "as a woman Riley Reid makes me feel threatened".'
The second round of PornHub In A Relationship: Is It Cheating? will be available to watch on BBC iPlayer next Thursday at 9pm.
AN UNQUALIFIED nobody has given his professional opinion on the upcoming Tyson Fury/Anthony Joshua fight.
The long-awaited heavyweight bout is likely to take place on August 14 in Saudi Arabia.
But Simon Pickles, 43, offered his analysis to a group of friends while in a beer garden over the weekend. He claimed: 'It's obvious. Tyson is an all-round better boxer than AJ'.
The full-time Uber driver has no experience in boxing whatsoever other than when he once fought Billy Lopez over an ultra rare pog in nursery. A fight that ended when Billy's older sister Charlotte separated the two.
Pickles admitted he has never watched a boxing match and never even seen a real punch bag. He did, however, walk past a PureGym last Saturday and 'saw some big lads hitting the pads'. Now he feels qualified to comment on the technical side of boxing and feels comfortable trolling people 'especially in the comments section'.
Speaking to The Daily Bellow, he said: 'I've done a bit of light shadow boxing in the shower. It can't be too different to stepping in the ring for 12 rounds with a heavyweight.'
POLICE fear the number of drivers pulled over for ‘cranking’ will only worsen as the Covid-19 pandemic comes to an end.
The challenge involves TikTok users filming themselves masturbating while driving. The ‘crackingoneoffatthewheel’ challenge is the latest fad on the social media platform.
Players or 'crankers' must masturbate to completion while driving on either an A road or B road. Motorways do not count.
Liam Spencer has more than 450,000 followers on TikTok and is a well-known 'cranker'.
Mr Spencer, 24, said: 'I've been a cranker for the past six months. It's not as easy as it sounds but it's a real thrill. I've bought a 4x4 so I'm higher up. I had a VW Beetle and people could easily see what I was doing, especially with the top down. Now I'm in a Skoda Yeti. It's not perfect but I'm higher up now. Less exposed.'
An officer with Lancashire’s Roads Policing Unit said: ‘Normally it’s speeding, drink driving or careless driving but we’ve seen a sharp rise in cranking. Drivers often have this glazed, vacant expression on their eyes with a grin. So far it’s been exclusively men who have been caught.
'It's dangerous and irresponsible. We've had crankers wait at green lights to "finish off". Things are only to get worse with the arrival of self-drive cars and the easing of travel restrictions. If a member of the public spots someone cranking, our advice is not to take a video as this only encourages them.'
UK Government is relying on vaccinated elderly citizens to ‘go big’ on holidays to help tourism industry recover
THE TOURISM minister has urged elderly citizens to 'go big or stay home' in an effort to boost the UK travel industry.
Nigel Huddleston called for OAPs to spend lavishly and embrace holidays closer to home.
In a statement yesterday Mr Huddleston said: 'Now is the time to earn your citizenship. You've been vaccinated. You're elderly. You're privileged. It's time to spend that saved cash. Go big or stay home.'
Mr Huddleston added: 'We need to give the travel industry a boost. Towns and cities across the UK are packed full of arts, culture and heritage offerings, beautiful parks, architectural gems and world-class visitor attractions. Who doesn't want to explore Birmingham.'
Non-essential international travel is banned until May 17, with Ministers locked in discussions about whether to allow the resumption of foreign holidays at that point. However, hotels, B&Bs or hostels can open their doors on that date.
Patricia Jackson, 77, of Stockport, Greater Manchester, said: 'It's come as a bit of a surprise. I was planning to go for a coffee and cake at my local cafe but I'm changing my plans. Now I've booked for a long weekend at The Langham. It's cost me £1,080 but if that's what I've got to do then I guess I'm going. At least I get a courtyard view and free Wi-Fi.'
Mr Huddleston's comments have sparked a backlash among political party leaders and charities.
A Labour spokesman said OAPs should 'not take instructions from a party which can't control its own spending'.
Caroline Abrahams, charity director at Age UK, warned this could impact older Britons. She told The Daily Bellow: 'As the UK scales up efforts to restart the domestic travel industry, it's crucial we do it in a way that is affordable for our older population. That means [OAPs] not blowing wads of cash chartering a helicopter for a weekend break on the Isle of Wight.'
A UK Government spokesman said: 'If your nan or granddad is a saver, it's time to get them to flash the cash and help the travel industry restart and regenerate. If they're reluctant to go on a staycation themselves, tell them you'd love a week at a country home. Cliveden House [pictured], for example, is a steal at £450 a night.'
A MAN who shaved his hipster beard is warning others to think twice about picking up the razor.
Engineer John Richardson shaved his lumberjack beard last week after seeing a Gillette advert. However, after his shave he was left stunned by his ugliness.
Mr Richardson, 28, of Mendip, Somerset, said: 'I'd been growing my lumberjack beard for three years but the Gillette lad looked sharper after a wet shave. I was convinced. I thought I could be the same.
'When I stepped back from the mirror and saw what I'd done I cried, who the f**k is this ugly c**t. I should be put down. I tried to stick the hair back to my cheeks, but it was too late, my Bo’ Selecta! chin was there for all to see.'
Mr Richardson added: 'It's been a week but I still haven't slept. I spend the nights staring in the mirror watching my stubble grow. My girlfriend calls me potato face and I've been made to sleep on the couch. Whenever I'm on a Zoom call, my colleagues tell me to put on my face mask [pictured].'
Now Mr Richardson has set up a Facebook page warning men to think twice about shaving. DFTT (Don't Face The Truth) has, of last night, more than 15,000 followers. The page aims to remind men they grew their beards for a reason. One blog is titled: 'Ten reasons why beards are worth the itchiness.'
A spokesman for Gillette UK said: 'Consideration will be given for possible “clean shaven may cause trauma” warnings on future men’s razors. We encourage all men with beards to look at pre-beard photos of themselves. Remember how unattractive your face is.'
A MAN who spent the entire pandemic on furlough claims he has completed PornHub.
John O’Gorman spent 12 hours a day ‘rapid masturbating’ in an effort to complete his goal on the pornography website. He claims that by yesterday he had watched 99 per cent of the three million videos currently on the site.
Mr O’Gorman, 35, a sales rep for cosmetics giant L’Oreal, said: ‘We were furloughed almost straight away from the start of the first lockdown. I was looking for something to pass the time.
‘It’s a bit like Pringles, once you start you can’t stop. After the fourth day I felt a real sense of achievement. I started on BangBros then progressed onto Brazzers…The amateur GILFs were a low point and there was a lot of weeping during those periods but I pushed through.'
To achieve his goal, Mr O'Gorman had hundreds of tabs open and watched only one minute of each video on 2.0 speed. Mr O'Gorman said he slept only four hours a night on a hammock in front of his desktop.
Mr O'Gorman added: 'Some days I was so drained I had to take handfuls of Viagra that I had leftover from a trip to Pattaya. There will be always haters out there who said it couldn't be done but they don't know what I've been through. What I've seen.'
Rebecca Williams, a consultant psychiatrist at The Priory, who specialises in sex addiction said: ‘Mr O’Gorman's ultrawankathon is nothing to be proud of. Many men have died from "rapid masturbating" as a result of extreme dehydration and fatigue.'
Asked if he had thought about PornHub Gay Mr O'Gorman said: 'That's a whole new ball game. It’s a different mindset but never say never. Right now it's about recovering.’
A spokesman for MindGeek, PornHub's parent company, said user safety is the company's top priority. In an email to The Daily Bellow, the spokesman said extreme preparation should be carried out before undertaking such a challenge.