Prime Minister Boris Johnson has updated the guidance from STAY THE FUCK HOME to CONTROL THE VIRUS. Soon, you'll be skipping in your nearest park French-kissing strangers with complete abandon.
But before we look toward total freedom, let's not dismiss what we've been through. The normal 'unlockdown' may feel like the promised land but there have been some huge positives of Covid-19.
Let's take a look.
Many of us have paid closer attention to our immediate surroundings because of the travel restrictions. What was once just a random street, avenue or estate is now a community of newfound neighbours. Covid-19 has turned strangers into comrades in the fight to stay safe and stay alert. This wasn't felt more keenly than on Thursdays at 8pm when residents leant from their windows or stood outside to clap for the NHS. No doubt when movement returns to normal that communal feeling will fade but hopefully some neighbourliness will remain.
As Jim Carrey points out in Dumb and Dumber: 'Senior citizens are slow and dangerous behind the wheel'. However, in times of crisis, we set aside facts to help the vulnerable and the elderly. Volunteering websites, specific time slots at supermarkets, running errands and emergency crowdfunded donations. These are just some of the ways society has pulled together to show we really do care.
Facebook feeds are full of before and after videos of blue skies or waters. Most notably Venice's murky canals where a jellyfish was spotted swimming in the city's now crystal-clear channels. Water traffic has stopped meaning sediment has settled. The environmental benefits of planes being grounded, cars parked and factories shut down is unquestionable. However, history tells us that when emissions have fallen sharply in the past, as they do after recessions, there’s often a rocketing rebound that wipes out any short-term cut in emissions. Let's hope that's not the case.
Increase in hygiene practises
Improved hygiene will become a priority for households. Unilever’s chief executive, Alan Jope, has predicted a permanent rise in demand for soap and other cleaning supplies. In the coming months, people will want to wash their hands more and be concerned about surface hygiene in homes, said Mr Jope. 'The whole hygiene thing will carry on.'
Elina Enqvist-Twomey, of luxury home-fittings brand Grohe said: 'Feedback from the commercial market in the past three months tells us that hygiene is top of the agenda, with a large proportion of projects specifying more hygiene-focused products such as infra-red taps, infra-red flush plates, and shower toilets.' Better personal hygiene can only be a good thing.
WORDS BY JON CLARKE
The fashion industry: an ever-changing chameleon of colours, styles and faux pas. Things go out of fashion, then come back in again like a conveyor belt – serving up occasional blasts from the past. Peaky Blinders made flat caps cool again and vinyls are making a comeback. Turtle neck jumpers are considered hipster now, even though Alan Partridge himself often wears one. “Smell my cheese you mother!”
So, what on earth is next? Platforms? Shoulderpads? Flairs? No; something much worse…male chokers. Chokers for men. Man chokers.
No matter how you phrase it, they don’t sound great do they? The internet broke a few weeks ago when ASOS first started stocking these bad boys. And they were being serious too – April Fools’ Day is still four months away.
Just look at them.
Yea, we’re not feeling it. A baby pink velvet choker is just a bit…well…girly isn’t it?!
Apparently these have been a thing for years, specifically in the Far East. And maybe we’ll eat our words if these do take off, so much so that Goodwin Smith start selling their own range of Bucking good chokers.
But until then, we stand by my opinion. These are fucking hideous.
Normal necklaces on guys, that’s fine. Even the single, ‘crocodile dundee style’ tooth necklaces on leather bands are okay (providing you’re a surfer type dude that uses words like ‘rad’ and ‘awesome’).
Cravats are even acceptable in some cases, and we can deal with male charm bracelets too. But a velvet choker on a guy just makes me think of a gimp on a dog leash. And maybe that’s just our bizarre mind but, say what you will, these things don’t scream ‘alpha male’ do they?
List of people who definitely wouldn’t wear a velvet male choker:
Clint Eastwood – the biggest “hell no” there is.
Mickey Rourke – would rather use it as a handwrap for boxing.
Charles Bronson – not in a million years.
Steve McQueen – just burn it.
Jason Statham – would roundhouse kick a choker.
The idea of any of these aforementioned icons waking up in the morning and reaching for their velvet choker on the dressing table sends shudders down our spines. If you’ve placed your order for a velvet choker though, we’ve got just the right footwear to match.
WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
Christmas can be a punishing period on the body. There's the constant over-eating, the cold weather and the relentless boozing, not to mention the stress of presents, decorations and parties. You wonder will you ever return to the healthier you once it's all over.
Yes. You will. And to help you speed things along we've scoured the medical journals and found the top tips to keep your immune system strong during your winter binge.
SOME LIKE IT COLD
The only time you think of the words "take a cold shower" is when you're in desperate need to make an erection or thoughts of Santa's little elves disappear. Yet there are additional benefits to an icy blast other than taking down a pitched tent. After being stunned by that freezing water your body tries to heat itself. Your body's metabolic rate increases causing more white blood cells to be produced and thus your body is more able to fight off bugs. Cold showers have also shown to increase alertness and mood.
Don't think. Just get in and turn the tap to blue.
GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR ANIMAL
No. No. No. We don't mean channel your inner stag. We mean take the time out to give your pet (or someone else's) a hug or a cuddle. Petting a dog might actually boost your immune system. Your heartrate slows down and your body's natural fight or flight chemicals - cortisol and adrenaline - are switched off.
Bare in mind, however, that showing a dog or a cat to a mate or loved with a raised blood pressure who doesn't like animals can make them far more anxious than before. So if nan doesn't like dogs then don't run in her living room on Boxing Day shouting, "Here's Rover!"
I'M ON A DIET THANKS
While the words "fasting" and "Christmas" may not feel connected, you should consider this...evidence suggests that shoving heaps of superfoods down your gob may not be as effective as you think. In fact, according to a study carried out at the University of South Carolina fasting for just (lol, "just") three days flips a switch in your body giving it the go-head to regenerate and repair.
Three days without food and your immune system will have rebuilt itself from the bottom up. Rather than hit a stodgy English breakfast or go hair of the dog to fight a Christmas hangover try skipping food for several days...it may just save you.
CRACK ON SOME TUNES
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know..." What a lovely song. So relaxing. So healthy. Research has shown that listening to peaceful music can lower levels of that influential stress hormone cortisol. In addition, listening to music you enjoy will release dopamine in your brain making you feel bloody brilliant. When you wake up feeling a little worse for wear crack on some feel-good music for 15 minutes, that's as long as it takes for the positive effects to kick in.
WORDS BY JONNY CLARKE
It would appear that there is a new trend sweeping through the locker rooms of some top flight football clubs (and no, we aren’t talking about neon green or luminous pink football boots).
We are talking about a phenomenon currently referred to as ‘travelling attire’.
It would seem a select few teams are now dressing in the same clothes off the pitch too.
This is kind of cute if you’re eight-year-old twins, but not so much if you’re professional footballers.
As the Manchester City team swaggered from their coach in matching attire, it became apparent that some of them lacked their trademark finesse when it came to scoring a winning outfit.
Let’s discuss the style penalties that were on show and dish out some red cards Mike Dean style...
Red card – Pep Guardiola
We aren’t messing about here guys. We’ve got straight to it and awarded the manager himself the first sending off. Why? Simply because he’s not a bomber jacket and jeans kind of man.
As the manager, Pep should be standing out from the rest of the players. He should be wearing something slightly more formal – setting a mature example...being that bit more presentable for his media duties.
With total respect, Mr. Guardiola is 45 years old, rapidly thinning on top, and in charge of one of the biggest teams in the world. Put simply, the ‘bomber jacket and trainers’ look doesn’t command the integrity and class this man deserves.
Red Card – Nolito
Even if he scored 50 goals this season, we couldn’t forgive Nolito for these fashion crimes.
In an attempt to stand out from the rest of his teammates (and there’s nothing wrong with standing out, so full credit to him for effort), Nolito has turned up his jeans. In doing so he has triggered a style calamity: wearing that formal tie with those turned up jeans.
What’s worse is that Nolito is 5’ 8”. If you are shorter than average and plan on wearing your shirt tucked in with a high belt, then folding up your jeans is the worst thing you can do. It makes your legs look ... even stubbier.
Lesson learnt: if you’re on the short side, avoid ‘tucking in and turning up’ gents. It’s much like the golden rule many females use: either cleavage or leg, never both.
Yellow card – the entire team
In truth, this whole outfit was poorly executed by the City team.
Some players (Stirling, De Bruyne, Clichy) removed their ties; some players (Arteta) are wearing jumpers; some players are zipped up (Aguero, Stones).
This just makes them look sloppy and on completely different wavelengths – much like their performance against Barcelona.
Speaking of which, if you want to see a team execute ‘travelling attire’ perfectly, have a look at Messi and Co. disembarking their plane in style.
WORDS BY LUCAS SWAIN
People care what they look like now more than ever. The 21st century may have bought some questionable fashion trends for us to feast on, but the goal for all of them – believe it or not – has been the same – to look good.
Whilst many of us try our utmost to look our best on every occasion, sometimes we can all be guilty of falling short. Because of this many have at least one celebrity they dream of looking like, but we don’t all have the time (read: can be bothered) to spend hours in the gym to get abs which grate cheese like Zac Efron’s.
Irishman Cillian Murphy is a name on that list for some due to his current role as the main protagonist in the BBC’s hit show Peaky Blinders. For those unaware of the series, it’s a 1920s gangster drama set in Birmingham, so there is the downside of having to endure the drone of the Midlands accent for 60 minutes a week.
However, one allure of the programme is the fashion, with most of the cast adorning three piece suits. Stretching from pinstripe to tweed, it’s clear every character has an arsenal of ensembles to maximise their look, with accessories such as pocket squares, braces, caps and pocket watches refining the 1920s suave
Therefore, the closest we can come to looking like our rich, celebrity counterparts is to dress like them. Despite this, fashion has evolved since the 1920s, so we’re not suggesting you stroll into work tomorrow in a tweed three piece suit. Not only will you exert more sweat than a Scotsman in Spain, you’ll also be looked at like a maniac.
Nonetheless, there can be a more subtle way of going about this, and people seem to be doing so as flat caps appear to be on the steady increase both in public and on shop shelves.
Now, we’d like to clear something up. When we speak of flap caps we aren’t referring to the ones skateboarders wear backwards or teenagers have with an American sporting franchise on the front. Think Only Fools and Horses not Kidulthood.
Technically speaking the caps that appear in Peaky Blinders are news boy caps, not flat caps, but you can be forgiven for getting the two confused as they carry a similar appearance. However, when adding them to your outfit it must be done delicately.
News boy caps are much more difficult to master and tend to flatter darker clothes. However, flat caps are far more flexible and can be worn more nonchalantly. If you’re aiming for the Peaky Blinders look, grab yourself a tweed one which is a couple of shades off from whatever is on your torso.
Flat caps used to be reserved for people from Bristol and farmers, but now there appears to be a change. So go out there and channel your inner Thomas Shelby, but just try not to start any family wars or illegal gambling pitches, it may reflect badly on us.
WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
September might be back to school for the kids, but it’s also the same in the corporate world. The MDs and CEOs are back off their summer holidays so now is the time to step up. Whether you’re a fresh-faced grad or the office newbie here are a few survival tips on how to live in the jungle.
BE OVERLY FRIENDLY
There isn’t anything more attractive as an employee than pretending to know the ins and outs of everyone in the office. This attitude screams popularity and confidence.
When you’re at the photocopier shout to people deep in the corners of the rooms. “John, you animal, how’s the headache you dog?” Even if a John doesn’t work there, you’ll gain the respect of those who don’t know and wish they knew as much as you do about “John.”
If you accidentally call someone the right name, pretend you didn’t hear their answer, mutter, then scuttle off…exactly like McLovin here.
LOOK CONSTANTLY BUSY
Even if you haven’t got anything to do never look idle. That’s a rookie mistake. The busier you look, the less hassle you’ll get from your supervisor. A key tip is to walk a lot. Make sure, however, that you walk fast and carry wads of paper and files. Say “excuse me” when you pass someone even if you’re nowhere near them.
To really commit to the act, walk with your head down and occasionally let out a “Remember to fax Jim in the New York office.” There probably won’t be a New York office. But remember, people thinking that isn’t a bad thing.
AN EXPERT AT WAFFLING
If you want to stand out from the rest of the team, use sentences that on the surface sound impressive but in reality are completely useless. Say them quick and as casually as ordering a skinny latte at Starbucks.
“Can you jump the email about the LGC project? I need to bend the text to draw out the right tone for the potentials.”
If you’re ever questioned about what you’re on about, keep the front up by providing detailed definitions of what each phrase meant. Scream your explanations.
TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE
These days it seems everything is a cause for celebration…with that in mind talk about events that don’t actually concern you.
Your supervisor may be confused as to why you’re attending Shelia from HR’s birthday meal, especially when she’s based in a different office. However, it’ll make you sound in the loop.
“Gary, Tom, fancy going Alchemist before Shelia’s bash? Sink a few cheeky ones.”
Even if Gary has never spoken to you before and Tom is a visitor, they’ll be too polite to call you out.
WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
Given the whole list of issues us millennials are dealing with: obsessing over eating healthily, dealing with loneliness, not being able to buy a house or dodging phone calls, you’d think we’d be bonking each other senseless as a distraction…but we’re not.
A recent American study found that overall, millennials — people born between the early 1980s and 2000 — have fewer sexual partners than baby boomers and those in Generation X, the group immediately preceding them.
Basically, if you’re in your twenties, you’re shagging less that anyone older than you was when they were your age…apart from your grandparent’s age when life was slightly interrupted…by a five-year long world war.
Perhaps this social trend is something you can associate with, especially if you’re in the midst of a particularly long dry spell.
But all this is strange because when Tinder and Grindr came onto the scene, experts believed that the ease at which people could hook up would encourage more sexual encounters. But they haven’t.
"The nature of communication now is anti-sexual," said associate clinical professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Norman Spack. "People are not spending enough time alone just together. There's another gorilla in the room: It's whatever is turned on electronically." Meaning you’re iPhone is actually doing more for you than a living, breathing human being.
On the other hand, some experts believe it’s because better sex education is available at school. Now you know that casual, unprotected sex with strangers may result in you pissing fire for the next week. But more awareness of STI and pregnancy is making millennials more cautious, not turning them on.
Porn is also widely available too. Why make the effort trying to sleep with a real human when you can blast HD-quality porn round your house…for free. Brilliant.
The main problem is that social media has given the average millennial too many options to choose from. We all know the feeling. During college you pretty much knew everyone, and they knew you. On an average night out down the local club, you could guarantee to bump into a girl you were working on.
Now we have option overload. There're too many cuties floating around online. And while we’re constantly staring at images of photoshopped selfies, we’re having less real life interactions.
Good news though.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, isn’t worried.
“It’s probably a good thing,” she said. Noting that baby boomers were known not only for free love but also for high divorce rates, she added, “I think [taking it slowly] is going to lead to better first marriages.”
In the end, she predicted, the urge to shag will prevail. “Sex is a powerful drive, and so is romantic love. . . .The sex system is way below the cortex. It’s way below the limbic system,” on a level with thirst and hunger.
“They’ll get to the sex,” she said. “I’m positive of that.”
WORDS BY LUCAS SWAIN
As a child we all took footwear for granted; it was either plimsolls, football boots or school shoes.
Running around in Power Rangers-themed socks aged three we’d never think that they’d become an important part of our wardrobe. Whether it’s a colourway which compliments or simply abandoning them altogether, socks can make a statement.
However, there are a few sock rules that must be followed. If you’re unaware of these then get yourself familiar with them to avoid making a fashion faux pas and becoming an unwanted sight for your friends and potential partners.
The 3 Commandments
- “Thirty quid a match, mate”– sliders and socks have become a common eyesore among wannabe sportsmen. Semi-professional footballers love extending their sports socks to full length while strolling around in flip-flops. Don’t join in, for your sake and for the good of mankind.
- You’re not German – socks with sandals, who started this idea? Not too many people are careless enough to bear sandals in public now, thankfully, but believe it or not some people want to have their cake and eat by doing the unthinkable…no, no, no.
- Shorts – the sun comes out, people get excited and just run outside without thinking, we understand. However, more often than not, socks can ruin your summer look. No-show socks are a smart way to ensure you bring hygiene and quality to the summer months.
THE NEXT STEP
You’ve remembered the commandments, great. This is where the application comes in.
Avoiding an error is easy, but mastering your look with attention to detail is a trait that sets you apart from the crowd. Hopefully, you’ll catch the eye of the girl across the room you haven’t plucked up the courage to approach.
If you’re going with formal shoes in either tan or black aim for pastel coloured socks. Bright socks can make a huge difference in a neutral outfit. Don’t get too hung up on hoops, stripes or polka dots, because this isn’t what’s defining your look – go loud or go home.
When you need to be cautious is when you’re donning colours that aren’t as flexible, such as a royal blue suit. It’s vital to think about the colour of your trousers too, and obviously bright blue socks wouldn’t compliment this. Grab yourself a colour wheel and you can’t go wrong – remember: opposites attract.
However, if you’re mixing formal wear with boat shoes or loafers, then it’s best to stick with bare feet. While you may have to sacrifice comfort, it’ll certainly pay dividends to your style.
Now you have no excuse to ruin your look with any rookie errors. Go out there and don whichever footwear you choose, safe in the knowledge you’re doing it in style.
WORDS BY GINA AKERS
This year’s Team GB have done us proud; bringing home more gold than Jack Sparrow on a night out. Amidst the celebrations, however, let’s not forget those Olympians that placed first in style.
The King of 80's Olympics cool, no one worked track wear like Daley, when go faster stripes where literally just that. Check out those retro tack suits…you know you want one.
If you didn't know that Caitlyn Jenner was once Bruce Jenner then seriously where have you been? And even more so if you didn't know that Bruce was a gold medalist in the 1976 Montreal Olympics then surely you've been living on Mars. Caitlyn may be high flying in fashion but Bruce was certainly a winner in style.
It’s reported that when competing Phelps stays totally focused on the competition and nothing else. Maybe that's his secret to securing so many medals but he also succeeds at style. The best way to be stylish is to do so without trying, there he goes again and takes the title for effortless style.
What is style? Well sometimes it’s not just what you do, it’s the way you do it. John Carlos and Tommie Smith – the men making the Black Power salute – capture the focus of this image of the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City, but it’s worth knowing the story of the lesser-known guy at the front; 'Peter Norman'.
Peter Norman was a silver medalist in the 200 meters at the 1968 Olympics and still to this day is the holder of the Australian 200 meters record. He was opposed to racism and it was his suggestion that Carlos and Smith share the pair of black gloves used in the salute.
On the podium he wore a badge in support of the Olympic Project for Human Rights, when Carlos and Smith told him of what they were planning to do he said "I'll stand with you".
As a result of that action Peter Norman's Olympic career ended that day, however, he is forever a champion of humanitarianism that was in a class of his own.
Thanks to Louis Smith gymnastics has never looked so good. Time to get those tight vest tops out and note those rather well shaped eyebrows going on too.
He memorably ran the 200m and 400m in style at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta while wearing golden shoes. Michael Johnson's gold running shoes were actually gold Nike spikes. It seems donning medals of gold is just not enough as Usain Bolt ran in gold Puma spikes for his 100m Olympic win in Rio, also scoring gold in the style stakes.
At the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics this volleyball player from Brazil presented us the best in curve serve style that meant guys liked her and girls wanted to be her, but(t) we don't need to say anymore.
WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
Transfer Deadline Day will soon be upon us. In a bid to get the inside track, we caught up with former Blue Peter star Simon Thomas to give us the low down on what goes behind the scenes…
So let’s start with the basics, what’s your favourite thing about deadline day?
I worked on a few TDD’s and the best thing was the atmosphere in the office and studio. That sense you didn’t quite know what was going to happen. You’d try your best to be as prepared as possible and try and work out the likely movers on the day, but then you’d go on air and genuinely anything could happen.
Robinho thinking he’s off to Chelsea but ends up at Man City springs to mind!
As we know, the transfer window has been open for months, so why do clubs always leave it so bloody late to do business?
Because if they don’t Jim White won’t have anything to self-combust about!
For most of the ‘bigger’ clubs they tend to get their main business done early. Manchester United being a good example this season. I think for the ‘smaller’ clubs they are finding the ever more inflated prices a big problem.
In an ideal world, all clubs would get their business done early, get players in for a pre-season and be well set for the new season.
The reality is for a lot of these clubs is that while they try to get deals done by holding off until the eleventh hour believing they may be able to get a better price for a player, another club is desperate to offload; the risk in this, as we often see on Deadline Day, is you can easily lose out to another club in the final minutes.
On the topic of time being of the essence – what’s the biggest deal you know of that’s not gone through because of time restrictions?
For me, it has to be David de Gea’s move to Real Madrid.
Everyone expected he would make the move to the Bernabeu but it all fell apart. Manchester United said they’d sent the fax in time but Real Madrid told a very different story. Great drama and what a keep for United!
Why do they still use fax machines? It’s 2016 not 1996!
So you’re a man in the know Simon, where do you get your tips from in the window?
Now you know I can’t reveal my sources!
To be fair nearly all the credit should go to the guys who work on the news desk and the army of reporters who work on Transfer Deadline Day at Sky Sports News HQ. They are the ones badgering the clubs and their contacts for news. The biggest challenge now for us, and any media outlet is sifting through the vast amount of conjecture on social media.
While a sighting of Messi at Manchester airport makes for a decent bit of Twitter banter, separating the truth from the spoof is a big challenge. In terms of my tips – I just use my phone and text and call those I know in the game.
Which club do you think has done the best bit of business in the current window and why?
I’m going to go for one of the promoted sides – Middlesborough. Never easy for a promoted side to stay in the top flight but I like the business they’ve done in giving themselves a really good chance.
Álvaro Negredo has hit the ground running. Gaston Ramirez made a real difference when he arrived on loan last season and now they’ve got him in permanently.
Barcelona have one of the most decorated players in their history with Victor Valdes.
They’ve had a busy but smart transfer window.
Deadline day is crazy for us fans, what’s it like actually being in the thick of it?
The same. Just a lot of fun. Let’s be honest – there’s been a fair few TDD’s that haven’t delivered an awful lot of drama and you’re left with Peter Odemwingie driving himself to QPR as the best story of the day.
However, it’s become an institution and viewers, fans, players and even some managers love it and you can’t beat being a part of it.
Fast-forward 10 years to August 31st 2026. What will be the highest transfer fees played for a player?
Well if Yannick Bolasie is ‘worth’ £20 million anything is possible! If Pogba is going for near on £90 million then the mind boggles at what ten years time might look like.
I don’t think long-term these figures are sustainable but it won’t be long before we see the first £100 million player.
My hope is that it doesn’t keep going like this. Unrealistic maybe but the more astronomic these fees become the bigger the gap in football between the haves and have not becomes and so too the disconnect with fans.
Final and most important question Simon…the Sky Sports girls; snog, marry and avoid. Go.
Chaps, I’m a married man – but I loved working with Georgie Thompson!
WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
As the 2016 Summer Olympics come to an end and Rio fever starts to cool down, GS ambassador bullet-proofbear returned home. He didn’t win any medals, but he did learn a thing or two about how to score in Brazil. And that’s more useful.
Here’s the bear’s conversation with Samara Reis, a dancer born in Sao Paolo who was flying back to England where she teaches and performs samba.
We like to open up an interview with some advice for our readers. A Brazilian girl walks into a bar, what does a lad do to get her attention?
Dress well. Smell nice. Act like a complete gentlemen. Treat her like a lady. Don’t be a sleaze! Be confident but not cocky. We’re no different to any other girls really!
We’ll be the judge of that.
Brazilian girls are considered the sexiest in the world. Why?
Are we? Thanks!
Perhaps because in Brazil everyone is so mixed so you will encounter a vast variety of beauties. Brazilian women tend to be confident in their own skin which people may find quite sexy I guess.
Also in Latino culture there is a lot of machismo, so women have to be strong-minded, independent and able to stand up for ourselves.
At the same time we are very feminine, and like to express our femininity. It’s a powerful combination, no?
Speaking of expressing your femininity, what’s with all those topless girls at the Carnival of Brazil…is that part of the festival or have the girls gone wild?
Topless? I am not sure what you are talking about. Kidding!
Any form of nudity is showcased during the main carnival parade and I think it’s to demonstrate liberation. Remember that being topless sunbathing is forbidden in Brazil.
Actually in a carnival parade usually only about five per cent of the girls will be topless…and some of them are actually men, so maybe it’s more a case of boys going wild! Remember that if you’re hanging around the sambadrome getting drunk on carnival weekend!
So, what are the turn-offs for Brazilian girls when it comes to dating? How important are a guy's shoes?
I know that Brazil is famous for being open-minded and having sexy and easy-going people all over the place.
But I would say that a total turn off is a guy that instead of trying to know me first he goes with the rumours.
It’s all about havaianas dude, if he is not wearing the appropriate flip-flops he is out of the door.
Right. I’ll take these off then. Could you suggest some Portuguese slang that would help break the ice on a first date?
Nothing vulgar! Please don’t talk about “bunda” (BOON-dah) = ass
Try “legal” (leh-GAL) = “Cool”. Or “Valeu” (va-LEH-oo) = “Cheers” or “Thank you”.
But if you are feeling charming, try calling her a “gata”, which means “pussycat”, which is a nice way of saying you think she’s sexy. It's my favourite ;-).
Legal! So, describe your perfect guy in three words.
Confident, witty and passionate.
Valeu! Who’s your football player crush? Is it Ronaldinho or Neymar?
Haha, none of the two.
In Brazil, women watch football genuinely because of their skills but Kaká is cute.
What's your favourite thing about British guys?
I think in general British guys are pretty honest.
So, you gata, what’s the chance of getting your number?
None, because I am not single.
Right. Well this was pointless.
Samara Reis Bio:
Brazilian-born, Samara gained her expertise at Sao Paulo's Samba School Vai-Vai. Her samba career highlights include - NME Awards 2009, Fringe Festival 2010/2012, BRIT AWARDS 2011, Strictly Come Dancing 2011 and the 2013 West End BRASILBRASIL Show.
She's also had appearances in adverts such as Sony, the 2014 FIFA World Cup and her face has been used for CNN's advert to promote the Rio Olympics.
With extensive knowledge in choreography, she has organised themed shows for the occasions the Brazilian football team have played in London and other high profile events. With extensive experience in the teaching field; whether with children or with adults; she was voted the Best Samba Teacher in the UK by the LUKAS AWARDS 2015.
WORDS BY JONNY CLARKE
Tan. A word that evokes images of C.J. Parker’s sun-kissed body from the 1990s Baywatch series (no? Just me?). But if, like me, you turn lobster red in the sun, fear not: there are other ways to wear a tan…
Tan (or ‘natural’) leather is traditionally associated with cowboys and the Wild West. Their saddles, holsters and cowboy hats were all made from tan leather; unless you were the bad guy, in which case they were usually black.
But before you go and buy yourself a pair of chaps and stirrups, hold your horses for a second (see what I did there?). The modern-day usage of tan-coloured accessories is far subtler than that.
Give Your Wardrobe a Tan
Unless you’re a lumberjack, builder or hipster, you’ve probably never known the delights of wearing tan leather footwear. In fact, the main reason a lot of men don’t rock the colour tan is down to them not knowing how to wear it.
The first rule to wearing tan is to get the jeans right. Dark blue jeans (straight leg or skinny fit) will accentuate the shoes more so than a lighter colour or bootcut. If you’re wearing tan with a suit, always opt for a blue three-piece. Never wear tan leather shoes with a black suit; unless you’re going for that 1980s, ‘Manhattan stockbroker’ vibe: In which case, fill your boots.
The Devil is in the Detail
If you like to coordinate your clothes to impeccable levels of detail, do it in threes: pair your tan footwear with a tan belt and a brown leather watch. Girls will notice this kind of attention to detail, making you seem a meticulous individual (even if you’re anything but).
Brownie points from your style combinations might just earn you a second date and allow her to overlook your terrible chat-up line.
For a more summery look, a pair of tan suede shoes work well with some cream/white chinos and a polo shirt. Yacht optional.
Oh, and if you do happen to drive a classic convertible, you need a pair of natural leather driving gloves to go with some Ray-Ban Clubmaster sunglasses if you want to channel your inner James Dean.
Change with the Seasons
As a colour, tan can be more versatile than you might think. Pair some tan brogues with pastel-coloured chino shorts for an even cooler summer look (just remember not to wear socks, as this would compromise the entire image).
And when summer starts turning to autumn, just switch up the outfit again. A classic Barbour wax jacket, dark jeans or smart trousers, coupled with a check shirt would all benefit from some tan accessories.
Take colour inspiration from the fallen leaves around you - tan, brown, burgundy are all complimentary colours which ooze class.
Now go forth and rule the land with your newfound knowledge and tan-wearing prowess!