BY THE BULLET-PROOFBEAR
So, after another Saturday evening down the swanny, you wake up alone…again. The night you planned just didn’t go to plan. Classic you. You’re led on the sofa slightly hung-over thinking What am I missing? Well…we’ll tell you.
We’ve suited you up in the finest footwear and told you how to look the part, now it’s time to educate you in the art of seduction…A.K.A. the chat-up line.
This week, at GSHQ, we’ve collaborated with our female colleagues to compile a list of the worst and best lines.
1. “Hi, my name is [your name], but you can call me tonight.”
This got the biggest laugh of the lot. One of the girls spat out her tangfastics into a bowl of Monster Munch. Unfortunately there was no rhyme or reason as to why it did so well. Typical.
2. "I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock."
It’s a classic and therefore something that’s been used over and over. According to the girls you’ve always got to be original and think outside the box.
3. "I'm a pussy-fist... err, pacifist, that's what I meant."
Insider tip, never confuse a girl - they won’t like it. Also, don’t use female genitalia in a chat-up line. This is both rude, offensive and never turns them on. Naomi instructed April to slap me in the face for this one. I, in turn, ended up slapping Jack for no apparent reason.
4. I'm looking for treasure - can I have a look around your chest?
It’s funny, simple, harmless and inoffensive. Just like how you want to come across. However, don’t motion rummaging at her while you’re delivering this line. Naomi said any guy that does that looks like they’ve dropped an e.
5. “I put the STD in stud now all I need is U.”
Never allude to STDs…even if it’s hilarious. A girl doesn’t want to think a good time with you will be followed by a trip the GUM clinic…as I type this sentence the girls are squirming at the idea. Don’t make a girl squirm.
6. “You look like a parking ticket - because you've got fine written all over you.”
This one makes you come across mature and aware of life’s issues. What’s more, it’s funny and true because on average women do receive more parking tickets than men. Nine out of ten girls in the office had outstanding tickets to pay. That’s not true.
After an hour of spending time with the gals, we came to this conclusion – women are emotional and therefore unpredictable. Because of this use them with caution – that’s the chat up lines of course.