BY THE BULLET-PROOFBEAR
To grow or not to grow that is the question. If you have chosen the former and decided to “bush out” then this blog is for…you sexy, bearded, pipe smoking lumberjack you.
But even if think you have more testosterone than an elephant in musth, the chances are you’ll have the odd patch here and there.
The first tip is to contemplate a well known saying by the Chinese philosopher Ja Ku Dai Sun: the only thing that changes is time. Sage advice.
The hairs on your beard all grow at different speeds so give yourself three or four months to see how your beard fills in. Give your face a fighting chance.
We’ve done you a solid and provided a song from Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax called “Let it Grow.” It should be your go-to tune in times of beard-related despair.
…Let it grow, let it grow,
Let the love inside you show!
You are your own worse critic. When you gormlessly stare in the mirror each morning you convince yourself you’re patchier than you are. You must remember two things. One, no one cares about your beard as much as you do. Two, no one cares about your beard as much as you do.
Unless a loved one or your pet gorilla is grooming your face on a regular basis, normal chatting distance won’t yield any problems.
If patchiness really is a problem then think about scaling back. Don’t be the comb-over of the beard world. Benicio Del Toro only went full beard in Che and ended up looking like a disheveled goat. The same goes for the likes of Johnny Depp and James Franco. You never see them with anything more than the beginnings of a goatee. Be ambitious but be realistic. Work with what you’ve got.
To finish and don’t kid yourself into thinking help in the form of beard oils and balms will encourage growth. The science behind these products is a little…patchy to the say the least. Like with most things about the way your body functions, it all comes down to genetics.
And if you’re wondering, you’re right, this blog has nothing to do with shoes…but the GS Club is much more than just your sole. What a pun.